Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
