if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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