If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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