why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
