After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
