Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
