Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
