just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
