It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
