I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
