Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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