I am in a vortex of obligation.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fill condoms, not promises.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
