this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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