i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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