How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
