Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
