ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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