I've blown a few things in my day
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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