white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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