he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
