is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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