So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
