you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
