You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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