but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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