so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
