official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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