I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
