Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
