I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
