Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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