im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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