I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
