Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
