Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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