Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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