Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
