she was so not down for the gang bang
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sarcasm needs its own font
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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