So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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