She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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