the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
