I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
