At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
