seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
foreskin is a definite game changer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
did i just pee glitter
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
