Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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