I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
