If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
