dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
