I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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