3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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