do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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