he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
