Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
