Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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