Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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