I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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