I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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