sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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