i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Less talking, more tequila
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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