Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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