she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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