At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
