It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
