If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
