She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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