Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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