i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
