the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
